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Ultimate Flame Standardized Reply

To whom it may concern,

Clueless NewbieLamerFlamer
LoserSpammerTroller
IdiotPervertGeek
FreakNerdElvis
RacistFedFreak
FundamentalistSatanistStupid Person
Unbearably self-righteous person

I took exception to your recent:

EmailPost to (Newsgroup)

It was (check all that apply):

LameStupidAbusive
CluelessIdioticBrain-damaged
ImbecilicArrogantMalevolent
ContemptibleLibelousIgnorant
CluelessStupidFundamentalist
BoringDimCowardly
DeceitfulDementedSelf-righteous
CrazyWeirdHypocritical
LoathsomeSatanicDespicable
BelligerentMind numbingMaladroit
Much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

You posted what should have been emailed
You obviously don’t know how to read your newsgroups line
You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup
You self-righteously impose your religious beliefs on others
You self-righteously impose your racial beliefs on others
You posted a binary in a non-binaries group
You don’t know which group to post in
You posted something totally uninteresting
You crossposted to *way* too many newsgroups
I don’t like your tone of voice
What you posted has been done before.
Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
You quoted an *entire* post in your reply
You started a long, stupid thread
You continued spreading a long stupid thread
Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it
You posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam
You posted a “test” in a discussion group rather than in alt.test
You posted a “YOU ALL SUCK” message
You posted low-IQ flamebait
You posted a blatantly obvious troll
You followed up to a blatantly obvious troll
You said “me too” to something
You make no sense
Your sig/alias is dreadful
You must have spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless.
You posted a phone-sex ad
You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme
You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal
Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable.  Each line just goes on and on, not stopping at 75 characters, making it hard to read.
You posted in ELitE CaPitALs to look k0OwL
You posted a message in ALL CAPS, and you don’t even own a TRS-80
Your post was FULL of RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON
You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of this newsgroup.
You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the Internet.
You are a loser.
This has been pointed out to you before.
You didn’t do anything specific, but appear to be so generally worthless that you are being flamed on general principles.

It is recommended that you:

Get a clue
Get a life
Go away
Grow up
Never post again
Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week
stop reading Usenet news and get a life
stop sending Email and get a life
Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
Have your medication adjusted
Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
find a volcano and throw yourself in
get a gun and shoot yourself
Actually post something relevant
Read the FAQ
stick to FidoNet and come back when you’ve grown up
Apologize to everybody in this newsgroup
consume excrement
consume excrement and thus expire
Post your tests to alt.test/misc.test
Put your home phone number in your ads from now on
Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you’re doing

In Closing, I’d Like to Say:

You need to seek psychiatric help
Take your gibberish somewhere else
*plonk*
Learn how to post or get off the usenet
Most of the above
All of the above
Some of the above, not including All of the above
You are so clueless that I didn’t even bother filling in this form.

 

(check all boxes that apply)